Hot Misty Linkin Park Ray Gold.avi Brittany Spears Rob Zombie.png.gif.exe
A TROLLPASTA by Gabe
This story uses no cliches at all. None. At all. Totally.
This also may sound like a bad FanFiction, but it's mah first rodeo. So shuddup.
(All characters are based off real characters, and other celeberties and such, so ye, except for the main character, who is purely fictional, cuz lulz, also, this is purely fictional (duh))
Now lemme tell you all about how, my life got flipped and turned upside down.
It was a normal day in London, Ontario, Canada, New York, Paris, France when I heard a knock on my door. Considering how the only people I knew were only me and a few friends I expected it to be one of them. But, I was wrong. It was the mailman, John, he said I got a special game from my friend, Jeffery.
Now if there is something you need to know about Jeffery, is he hacks games to mod them himself, so I just figured this was just another present from him like some real life version of BEN's cartridge or something of the sort. But it wasn't. It was a game I never heard before, called Exe.dll, now I knew that Jeff liked to make fun of Creepypastas, and this was probably some Sonic.exe ROM but really messed up with like Bob Saget's head on Tails or something.
I put the game in my Slim PS2 and started to play. It was FFX, which was my favorite Final Fantasy game next to Dissidia Doudecium. However, for exactly a millisecond, everyone around the campfire turned all bloody with blood everywhere, except for Tidus, who had a knife or something in his hand. Don't ask me how I saw and remembered all this in a millisecond.
After the long intro cutscene the words FINAL FANTASY X appeared on screen, but something was wrong. Instead of X, it was .eXe, so I decided to shrug it off and play anyways.
Now since I already had save files for FFX, I loaded my profile with 666:66.6 hours played, and every single item I could get (except for swords) and all Celestial Weapons fully boosted. I was at Sin, and decided to kill Jecht with a one-hit kill, and then a two-hit kill. I then went through all the Dark Aeons and defeated Yu Yevon with ease. However his death scene was off. Instead of the normal death scene with the two stones crushing him and black pixels going everywhere in a white background. He simply fell to the ground and everything became hyper-realistically bloody for 5 seconds, he then exploded and Sin was destroyed by Yu himself.
THE END then immediatly appeared, with Tidus' head on the title, the game then shut off and my PS2 short circuted and died by a Red Ring of Death. I mourned it's death with an MLG funeral.
I then questioned what the hell just happened.
I went to Jeffery's house for help, and he said that he didn't make the game and sent it to me cuz nothing really happened to him and he knew I loved FFX, and I had all versions of it except for a completely blank disk with black marker on it. So I said sorry and shrugged it all off as nothing.
I woke up in this new day and immediatly started playing my XBOX in my French apartment. The door was knocked on again and I opened it, and it was my brother, DG, who lives with me since he doesn't have a job and our mum kicked him out. He came back from getting some gaming supplies like Mountain Dew and Doritos.
I then threw in the totally legit copy of Halo 420 Blaze It Edition and started playing.
Me and my bro were doing nothin but 360 Noscopes until someone named BigDick6969 came and rekt us with a 720 Quikscope.
We shrugged it off as no big deal, until we went back to the player roster screen. BigDick6969 was replaced with Satan666 and the entire server froze and threw us out.
I was pissed at this, I threw the controller into the XBOX360 making it explode into 1000 pieces, we then threw another Dank MLG Funeral for the XBOX360. My bro was then mad at me, and used the rest of his money to buy a Golden XBOX One, for himself.
I then stared playing SSB4 in my 3DS, I have only one DLC, Lucas, but that's fine with me cuz he's my fav character. I picked Lucas and began to go on Level 9.0 Classic Mode.
It was all going well, I wuz using my dank skillz to beat all of the opponents. I even rekt Giant Steel Ganondorf. Then I got to Master and Crazy Hand, I only focused on Master Hand then Master Core came out. I fought him and beat him through some painful trials. Then finally, Master Hand reached his final form. But something was wrong, he was completely red with Blood, and he had a suit like Slenderman. I couldn't hit him, as if he was invincible. But then, as soon as I was gonna die, the mystical Johnny Depp came and saved my life, he grabbed Master Core and made him explode. I thought the battle was over, but it wasn't.
Johnny Depp ended up being Shrek in disguise. Shrek then laughed and jumped off the stage. I then won the round, but something was wrong, THERE WAS ANOTHER LEVEL!!!!!!1
I went into the real final level with Luccy, and I didn't expect what would happen next.
Shrek was standing there, with three giant Assist Trophies, he then said "Be prepared to get Shrekt". He broke the first Trophy, and a spooky scary skeleton popped out, the spooky scary skeleton wasn't really a challenge, he only had 50% Stamina. So I easily beat him.
Shrek then broke the second Trophy, revealing Evil Patrixxx! Evil Patrixxx was tough, he had 269% Stamina, and he kept spamming Patrixxx Mega Haduken. But, since I had three new lives I went ahead and sacrified one of them, but something happened, even though I used a special technique that made Patrixxx do a Suicide Bomb after me, when I was revived, Lucas was bloody all over his face.
I was angry at this, who would do this to Little Lucas? But then I realized what was next. Shrek broke the last Trophy, and Claus came out, with 500% Stamina, he then said this quote "Prepare to be destroyed, Lucas".
Claus immediatly started attacking me with his arm gun, I couldn't move as if I was paralyzed, however, after reaching 469% Damage, I was flinged out the stage, and I only had one life left. Claus then brang out his Lightsaber rip-off and started charging to me, I quickly attacked with my Baseball Bat which did a suprizing 100 Damage. I kept hitting him with my side smash until he reached 100% Stamina, which made him use a gigantic laser straight to my face, I was at 250% Damage, when then, right before Claus was about to use his finishing move, Markiplier came from the shadows and knocked him down to 0% Stamina. It was then revealed Claus was actually a replica made by Shrek, which of course made Lucas feel better that it wasn't his real brother.
Markiplier then became part of my team and restored me back to 0% damage. Shrek was then mad, he said "IT'S ALL OGRE NOW", his health jumped up to 999% Stamina, Shrek then charged towards Lucas and threw him to the ground, I thought some nasty shit was about to go down but Markimoo came and grabbed a Smash Ball, he then lauched Shrek to 30% Stamina using the Ultimate Warfstache Pawnch. Lucas got back up and finished off Shrek with a side smash. Shrek then exploded and the entire stage was destroyed.
Stage 666 then showed up, and Markiplier was dead with blood all over. The stage looked like a Smash Run stage, except there was no enemies, and no CPU's. Lucas then got up and saw Mark was dead, he then mourned his death and continued on, I was in control of Lucas after this cutscene. I went through the gigantic maze collecting treasures along the way. And then finally, I reached the top of the stage. A black door was there with giantic white lines on it. I went in.
This is where all of the spoopy shit came in. The room was completely glitchy, and for exactly 0.55555 Seconds I saw a tombstone with the name Shigeru Miyamoto on it. Then, some creepy 4th Wall breaking happened. "Save me, Zach" said Lucas in a frightened voice.
I was spooked, HOW DID DA GAEM KNO MY NAEM? I mean, I was always fond of Lucas, with him being my main fighter in Smash Bros Brawl and one of my favorite video game characters of all time, but never did I expect for him to know ME.
But of course, I went on a quest to save Luccy, I found a way past all of the glitchyness and eventually reached the end.
But then something unimaginable happened.
IT WAS THE SPOOKY SCARY SKELETON! HE WAS REVIVED AND HAS 5000% STAMINA! I THOUGHT IT WUZ ALL OVER. But then from the lights of heaven came Chuck Norris. Chuck touched the skeleton, and the skeleton immedietly went to 0% Stamina and exploded in 1000000 Bits. Chuck Norris then went back to his God kingdom.
Lucas was in shock, he couldn't believe Chuck Norris came into the stage and saved his life. He then went to the flagpole and won the level.
The game was finally over. I got my reward, 1000000G and even statues of all the characters in this journey, and even a message saying I got a CHUCK NORRIS Amiibo! I was relieved the mission was over.
I saved my progress and shut off my system. I then went to sleep.
I woke up and immediatly noticed something was wrong. It was July 3rd. And I was pissed. Every 3rd of every month, The Illuminati lord, Bill Gates, would come to my house and do some random shit. Once, he put three shrines of three dildos forming a triangle in my bathroom. Like seriously, what the fuck.
But no, not this time. This time was something different.
It was... Lucas. Yeah, okay.
Lucas came into my apartment and immediatly hugged me. Thanking me for my help.
I said "No problem m8" and hugged back.
However, all dis happiness doesn't mean the spoopy is over.
My PS2 was back on it's shelf... but how? Didn't it die by short-circuting? I yanked Lucas to the couch and started playing whatever the hell revived the system.
It was none other than a game named Hot Misty Linkin Park Ray Gold.avi Brittany Spears Rob Zombie.png.gif.exe. I couldn't think of what this game was, Luccy couldn't either. However after I pressed start it ended up being MARIO ON PLAYSTATION. I WUZ SPOOPED M9, WHAT WUZ DIS SHET. I calmed down and played Super Mario Bros. 3 ON PLAYSTATION. I also picked two player just incase I ever die and Lucas needs to continue on the journey.
"World of Nothingness" was playing in the background but at 66% Speed and 6% Backwards, as I walked through a very black stage on Mario Bros. 3, I then encountered blood on the walls, and some spikes with blood on them. I flew over them using a Racoon Tail. I then got to the end of the stage pretty quickly, as there were no enemies. However, at the end, SHREK WAS THERE, HE WAS BACK, AND HE WAS COMING FOR MARIO'S ANUS. I ran as fast as I could holding Square down to go fast. But it was too late, Shrek grabbed Mario and my screen said "Game Ogre".
It was then Lucas' turn as Luigi, he went through the same stuff I did except at the end, where Mario was being raped by Shrek. Lucas then jumped on Shrek's head, but this did nothing, Shrek then summoned out Super Mecha Death Christ, who exploded Luigi into various pieces, this made Lucas jump and hold onto my arm. Shrek then appeared on screen and said "No one can beat the Ogre Lord". He then exploded the CD inside my PS2.
After managing to calm Lucas down I went and threw the PS2 out the window.
"These days have been getting weirder and weirder" I thought. "Is Shrek really going to come here?". I decided to go to sleep after that. I slept on my couch with Lucas and waited for the next day.
I woke up with Lucas and ate some cereal with Mountain Dew in it. I then went back to the main room to find a note, it said "It's all going to be Ogre, Zach".
I then knew what had to be done. I grabbed my MLG ware and put it on, my 8-BitGlasses, Weed Blunt, Swag Hat, Fedora that goes over Swag Hat, OBEY Hat that goes over Fedora that goes over Swag Hat, my noscope gun, and of course, my Doritos and Mountain Dew. I then put the same shit on Lucas and went out to hunt for the Ogre Lord.
It was bright as fuck in London, but that didn't matter much, I passed by all the people crowding the streets in search for the famous Swamp Woods.
When we finally got there, Shrek was in front of his house with an AK-666, and there was blood in his swamp.
I charged at him and noscoped him, but the noscopes had no effect. I then tried Quikscopes, Hardscopes, Trickshots and even Melee, but nothing worked. Shrek then threw me to the ground. Lucas tried to come and save me but he was thrown in the Bloody Swamp.
I thought it was all over from there, but it wasn't, Markiplier was BACK, and better than ever. Markimoo then fought Shrek in an epic battle between good and bad. They then both did their special moves and a gigantic Nuke-like explosion occured.
And everyone died, the end.
Shrek and Markimoo were then gone and me and Lucas were saved, except for some burns here and there. I knew it was finally over, that Shrek would no longer haunt mah dreams. Or my Games for that matter.
I went back home with Lucas and saw all my games were back to normal, no more .exe's, no more blank disks, it was all normal. Except for one thing. My bro's golden XBOX, which turned Green. Saying "It's never Ogre."
I ignored this thinking it was a prank by my bro, and then fell asleep.
And then the next day I noticed something.
If Johnny Depp was Shrek...
Then who was phone?